Confession: I didn’t particularly like Diller at first. There, I said it. Most of it hinged upon waking up early on a Sunday, but I also struggled to connect with the other Dillers. But somewhere between those first few workshops and the present, the seesaw in my brain tipped the other way. I can honestly say that I now enthusiastically leap out of bed for workshops, and more importantly, regard Diller 7 as an extension of my own family. While I had begun to love Diller before the NAS, those ten days (and the subsequent moments) are what confirmed the love I feel for Diller 7.
I’ve always struggled to make myself vulnerable. In Diller, we have been encouraged to experience the feeling of vulnerability. Sharing my house with another person is one way that I have experienced this. I was worried before Sivan came to New Jersey. What if she did not get along with my sister? What if she did not like my dad’s cooking? What if she thought our house was too small? However, I had to get past these thoughts. During our Shabbaton and overnight, I once again had to make myself vulnerable when we had our ma’agals. During these moments, we are supposed to share personal parts of ourselves, and that is very hard. But as Sara Bareilles says, “say what you wanna say, and let the words fall out.” You just need to get past that fear and share your thoughts. Now that the NAS is over, I think that being vulnerable will be much easier for me.
When an entire group of people are vulnerable together, a circle of trust is formed. And from that circle, friendships are strengthened. Through the experience of vulnerability during the NAS, Diller 7 has become closer than I ever thought possible. With the NAS behind us, we do not have anything formal planned for nearly a month. Previously in our Diller journey, we might have been comfortable with this. But over the NAS, we have become a close, tight-knit family. We all are trying our best to be proactive and organize our own social activities, which we have actually succeeded in. Micaela Kaplan attributes our desire to be near one another to “Post Diller Depression.” Similar to “Post Concert Depression,” it is the feeling you get when you are separated by someone (or something) that you truly love. Over the NAS, we’ve learned and discovered the powerful bonds that are formed in the Diller journey. We want to experience that more, and when we’re apart…we feel the separation.
My most important memorable experience of the NAS was the Friday afternoon of our Shabbaton. My immune system had failed me, and I had come down with a fever. As I laid in bed, very far away from Fairview Lake, I cursed my bad luck and fretted about how I would reintegrate into the group when my fever broke. I was mostly upset that I would be missing bonding experiences with the Israelis. Luckily, my fever broke the next morning and I was able to join the Dillers. When I walked into the CIT Center, I was attacked with hugs from all of the Americans, Israelis, and JCs. I felt so, so loved. It was the first time I have ever felt like an accepted and appreciated member of a community and it is a feeling that I will never get out of my brain.
Eight months ago, I left our first Diller meeting worried for the future. My mental seesaw tipped to the left with anxiety. Fast forward to April 2014, and that seesaw has shifted 180 degrees and tilted to the right. I cannot believe that I had any of the concerns that I originally had about Diller because now, I struggle to find the words to describe how much I adore Diller and the love I feel for our cohort.
-Arielle Dror
No comments:
Post a Comment